Confessions of a failed blogger

I really have to 'fess up. I've been blogging for a hot minute, though not consistently. My tendency is to jump on and off the blogging train with all the excitement of a feral cat. And also with all the commitment issues of one.

I always blogged because I was told I should, because I would be SO good at it. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard the phrase, "you should start a blog, Lyn"....well, I would have a lot of dollars. I might at least be able to fill my car's tank with gas (if there wasn't currently a gas shortage of course).

It's not that I didn't want to succeed at blogging, I just never knew how. I would sit down with great verve and vigor and wiggle my fingers over the keyboard, watch the cursor blinking expectantly back at me from the blank page...and come up with absolutely nothing of interest to say. Almost every attempted blogging session would end in frustrated defeat, with half-finished thoughts flopping around my brain like fish out of water and a still blank draft of a post taunting me from my screen. Inevitably I would end up closing the laptop and deciding that I should probably bake muffins instead.

Failure, failure, failure. If all those lovely, well-meaning "you should start a blog" people only knew how much failure I faced again and again, maybe they would realize why their compliments have started to feel like slaps to the face. I don't have "writer's block," I have "writer's Mt. Everest."

For years I wasn't quite sure what to do with those comments that I struggled to feel deserving of.

But I finally figured something out about myself today: I do my best writing when I am curious, enraged, flabbergasted, quizzical, tickled, or otherwise invested in a topic of conversation. I write my best when I NEED to write. When I can't help but write something, because the thoughts in my head threaten to overwhelm my brain until I've finally put them down and worked them out in black and white in front of my eyes.

My main problem with blogging isn't lack of consistent ability, desire or motivation, but lack of consistent inspiration.inspire:


1. fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.


2. breathe in (air); inhale.


I love that "inspire" also means to "breathe in."
When I am filled "with the urge or ability to do something creative" writing feels like breathing. Just that easy and life-giving. When I am inspired to write, thoughts flow into my head and spill out through my fingers as smoothly and naturally as the air that fills my lungs.


I have doubted my writing abilities from the very first time they were ever brought to my attention, thinking "but if I am so good at this, why do I struggle so much? Why is it often nearly impossible for me to write anything?"


Today I am challenged to answer those questions. Why do my attempts to write too often feel less like "breathing in" and more like suffocation?


Perhaps to be filled with creative inspiration, I need to start with simply breathing. Clearing my head and submerging myself into the very real world around me. Face to face with other human beings, interacting intentionally with them, their thoughts, feelings, opinions, and giftings. Immersing myself in the beauty right outside my door, in a creation showcasing a glorious Creator who breaths new life into me and who designed me to echo His creative ability.

Reasons to write are everywhere, every day. This blog post is for anyone like me, who has grasped blindly for blog post material rather than seeking inspiration. Everyone who has been holding their breath instead of breathing in. Everyone who hasn't been as present as they should be, in many aspects of life.


Inspired writing is an outlet for living full and breathing deep.

Let's try that.

1.