I Kissed Dating Goodbye... and Succumbed to Setting Unrealistic Expectations and Imposing Immense Pressure.
There was a book written in 1997, by then 21 year old Joshua Harris, called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." The book attempted to address the major flaws in our culture's flippant, aimless, sexually degrading dating scene, and succeeded in making some very good points and astute observations concerning the needless havoc wreaked on hearts within a casual, nonchalant dating culture.
However, the overwhelming sense of "Thou shalt be 100% ready for marriage before you should even dream of pursuing a purposeful relationship with anyone" threw a lot of us into a mindset of continually questioning the "readiness" of ourselves and others.
Speaking from my own personal experience and the experiences I've watched others around me walk through, it's safe to say that within many "we kissed dating goodbye" relationships there's often a lot of pressure (primarily self-imposed), along with an expectation that we need to figure out whether or not we're marriage material right from the get-go. Then, once that decision has been established in our minds, there's a sense of permanence that can be hard to grapple with, if later on we start to think that just maybe...we were wrong.
However, the overwhelming sense of "Thou shalt be 100% ready for marriage before you should even dream of pursuing a purposeful relationship with anyone" threw a lot of us into a mindset of continually questioning the "readiness" of ourselves and others.
Speaking from my own personal experience and the experiences I've watched others around me walk through, it's safe to say that within many "we kissed dating goodbye" relationships there's often a lot of pressure (primarily self-imposed), along with an expectation that we need to figure out whether or not we're marriage material right from the get-go. Then, once that decision has been established in our minds, there's a sense of permanence that can be hard to grapple with, if later on we start to think that just maybe...we were wrong.
It's only in the past couple of years that I've started to recognize the pressures and expectations I'd built up in my head and heart, due to how hard a swing in the opposite direction from casual dating we took from that well-meaning book and the overall movement to reform romantic relationships that it sparked (mostly amongst our excited and well-meaning parents who wanted a better model for their children than the one they grew up with).
I wholeheartedly believe that being intentional (in dating and anything else we do) is good, helpful, and altogether advisable...but taking things *too* seriously can (and has) lead to a host of undue pressure and urgency that's not necessary and is actually downright harmful to relationships in many cases.
An article from the "Desiring God" website makes some much-needed observations concerning this current Christian trend of "over-intentionality" in dating, and sheds light on the need for a more balanced approach to an undeniably tricky topic.
Comments
Post a Comment